By Pranika Koyu
She, my grand aunt, is in her mid seventies. I do not know her exact age. I can always ask her but she will not answer.
She got stuck in Nepal government’s out of blue and ill prepared whimsical imposition of lockdown to prevent COVID-19 transmission. Since early January, her children in Australia and USA had been asking her to return to Australia where her husband and families of three sons live. She turned deaf ears. I, the grand niece in Kathmandu, volunteered to be a go-between to try and convince her to hop on the plane and return. She was adamant. She has a long standing issue to resolve in Nepal and she is pretty clear that she will not return until this gets resolved.
She holds a provisional Australian PR which requires her to be in Australia for a substantive time of the year. This year, she has been in Nepal longer than planned and if she does not enter Australia by mid April, there are nominal chance of she getting a PR. This is one of the reason why her family wanted her to return to Australia by March end. However, on each reminder, she told us off with ‘I know all of that. I have it all scheduled.’ I am a non-interfering ‘it’s your choice’ and ‘don’t come to me later’ individual, therefore, I just watched on. Besides, if her family’s emphasis, and mercurial change in Australian government’s lockdown plan would not prompt her, my attempts to inform her would also not be listened to. It is not that I did not try. I did and I failed.
Since her return from Australia to Nepal, she had been staying as a paying guest with one family who none of us knew anything of. Therefore, seeing how her disinterest to return to Australia, I proposed that she stay with me for her remaining days in Nepal. It was a family’s understanding that this way, at least we will know her whereabouts. All sides were glad that she moved in two weeks prior to lock down. However, little did we all know that our grand aunt-niece relationship would be tested and that also in hot waters in a slow and steady temperature of COVID-19 lockdown.
Prior to lockdown, she would leave home early and come back in the evening. She would have eaten her breakfast and lunch outside. In the evening, she would eat whatever I would have prepared for all of us. Every evening, she would come back with a bagful of food. Initially, I politely told her that there is enough food already at home and it would be wise to eat them first. She ignored. The food supply continued.
Things got worse when the lockdown happened, and major part of it was set in the kitchen. My cooking cannot appeal everyone. My food easily tastes bland to many of us who like to use generous amount of spices, condiments and oil. Therefore, my grand aunt began to cook and though I had no problems with it, slowly issues around rationing, portion, sourcing of food – be it fresh or dried, or packed – began to emerge. I have always been viewed as the ‘frugal’ one by my family whenever I have stretched use of every substance that is in my possession, including food. Soon, I started to eat leftovers from each meal, silently fume over the rationing, and get appalled at she going out every morning to buy ‘fresh’ vegetables and meat. This was also amplified by the fact that another adult living with us – father of my child – has his own taste and was no better than my grand aunt. In the first week of lockdown, I witnessed polite struggle of these two with one other, in the kitchen. Interestingly, both of them had agreed (no words spoken here) that it should be these two who should cook.
By the second week of lock down, these two adults have come into terms with each other’s preference. It is only me who has not come into these terms. I, the one who has been eating leftovers of their large portions of each meal in the morning and evening. Till date, I have cooked only thrice, and I alone ate all of that over a course of three to four days. They did not even taste it. I cook only for my 45-month-old child who of course loves my plain cooking.
They must be happy with their power to be able to shop, cook and eat what they want.
My efforts for judicious use of every food in the kitchen has gone down the drain, and my meticulously packed plastic packages are vanishing fast because they use it as a garbage bin. My attempts to compost fruit peels, egg shells, vegetable peels, etc. have been completely ignored and messed up. In all of this, I stand helpless while I seethe. I tried raising this with them only to meet dead pan expressions, be ignored or unpleasant shouting match at times. Then I decided not to raise this anymore because these are adults who are as opinionated as I am, and in a time where anything can trigger a range of emotions, I have chosen to ‘tolerate’. I eat whatever they cook, and make silent note of their rationing comparing them with how it would have been different in my handling.
So, while I am in this dejected kitchen mood, how do you think they fare? They must be happy with their power to be able to shop, cook and eat what they want. One would like to think. Maybe they are. Or maybe they are not. I have refused to eat by their side in fear that I might snap. So, my silence amplifies to them as scorn, a rebuke. My singular eating of meals is offensive to them. They would rather have me voice it out which I have stopped doing. So, are they enjoying their meal? I don’t know.
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लकडाउन लम्बिदै जाँदा मेरा साथिहरु बिस्तारै अब त घर बस्ने बानी पर्यो भन्दैथे । मलाई चाही बिस्तारै घरको बसाई अत्यास लाग्दो बन्दै गएँको भान भईरहेको थियो । मेरा साथिहरुले जस्तै गरि मैले पनि घरको बसाईलाई सहज पार्नै सकिन । मेरा साथिहरुलाई पढ्ने, आर्ट गर्ने, योगा गर्ने, नयाँ परिकार पाकाउने, विभिन्न रिसर्च गर्ने, बानी परेको थियो । मलाई भने परिवारका सदस्यको टाईमटेवलको बानी परेको थियो । घरको कामको चापले अफिसको कामहरु समयमा पुरा गर्न नसक्दा मलाई एकदम धेरै पीडा हुन्थ्यो ।
घरमा यस्ता स–साना टिप्पणी हुँदै जाँदा मलाई कताकता उकुसमुकुस भए जस्तो लाग्यो । मैले श्रीमानलाई सेयर गरे उसले यस्ता कुरा सुन्नु हुन्न एक कानले सुन्ने अर्को कानले उडाउने अहिले हाम्रो सुन्ने पालो हो हाम्रो पालो आउँछ अनि भनौंला भन्यो । मेरो कामको बारेमा पहिले पनि कुरा हुने गर्थ्यो र पहिले पनि उसले यस्तै भन्थ्यो । त्यती बेला त म अफिस जान्थें, साथिहरुसँग भेट्थें, साथिहरुसँग कुरा सेयर गर्थे, केही हल्का हुन्थ्यो। नयाँ काममा लाग्थें। बेलुका घर जाँदा यी सबै कुरा भुलेको हुन्थ्यो र ति सब दिनहरूमा यस्ता कुरा सायद मलाई सहज भएको थियो । तर अहिले त्यस्तो छैन – घरको चार पर्खाल भित्र हामी बन्दि जो भएका छौं । बन्दमा मेरो मनका चोट र भावना सबै बन्द भएको छ जसले मलाई भित्रभित्रै पोलिरहेछ ।
म : वास्तवमा आजसम्म मैले आफूलाई अनुशासनमा राख्न सकेको रहेनछु । म बाहिर जति धेरै दिनहरु बिताउन सक्छु । त्यति घरमा समय बिताउन म सक्षम छैन र मलाई आफ्नै घर बन्दि गृह जस्तो हुनेछ भन्ने मैले सोचेकै थिईन । लकडाउनको केहि दिन मलाई रमाईलो लाग्यो । घरमा समय दिन नसकेको र आफ्नो लागि समय नभए जस्तो बल्ल मैले मेरो लागि समय पाए भने जस्तो लागेको थियो । तर बिस्तारै आफै बसेको घर आफूलाई जन्म दिने आमाबुबा आफ्ना साथी भाईहरुसँग घुलमिल हुन नै मलाई आफैसँग संघर्ष गर्नु प¥यो । म यतिसम्म घरबाट टाढा भएको रहिछु कि मलाई केही दिन पछि मलाई मेरो घरको मान्छे नै बढी भए जस्तो लाग्यो । त्यसको परिणाम स्वरुप विस्तारै मलाई रिस उठने, आफूले भनेको कुरा मात्र हुनपर्छ जस्तो धारणा राख्ने, कोहीसँग बोल्न मन नलाग्ने, नखाने र आफूलाई एक्लोपनाको अनुभुति भयो । सबै सकियो जस्तो अनुभुति हुन थाल्यो । तर विस्तारै आफूलाई नै अनुशासनमा राख्ने कोशीस गरेँ वा गर्दैछु । यो बिचमा आफूलाई कसरी व्यवस्थित राख्ने? भनेर केही कोशीसहरु गरँे जस्तै ः कोहीसँग नबोल्ने, आफूलाई कोठामा बन्द गर्ने, किताब पढ्ने, आफूलाई लागेको लेख्ने, फिल्महरु हेर्ने साथीसँग कुरा गर्ने कोरोनाको न्यूज पढ्न बन्द गर्ने । आफूलाई सकेसम्म व्यस्त राख्ने जस्ता कार्यले मलाई कोरोनाको महामारीसँग लड्ने शक्ति दिएको जस्तो लाग्छ ।
घरपरिवार, छिमेकी र समाज : यो बिचमा मैले मेरो घर परिवार र समाजलाई अध्ययन गर्ने अवसर पाएको छु । मेरो अध्ययनले पाएको सामाज आफूलाई अनुशासनमा राख्न जति गाह्रो छ, त्यो भन्दा बढी समाज परिवारलाई राख्न गाह्रो छ । सबैको आ—आफ्नो धारणा हुन्छ विचार हुन्छ । जुन कहिल्यै हाम्रो ध्यान नपुगको वा हामीलाई त्यस्ता विषयमा कुरा गर्न समय नभएको विषय — के खाने? कुन फिल्म हेर्ने? जस्तो विषय पनि धेरै सँगै बसेपछि र अन्य काम नभएपछि यस्ता विषयमा छिमेकीमा झगडा भएको देखे । घरमा धेरै व्यक्तिहरुसँगै घर बस्दा घरेलु हिंसा बढेको पनि देखियो । झगडाको विषयः श्रीमानले बाहिरको व्यक्तिहरु ल्याएर तास खेल्ने वा खेल्न जाने, पानीको अभाव, खाना कसले बनाउने?, पैसाको अभाव हुँदै जाने जस्ता विषयले पनि झगडाको विषय बन्ने र यस्ता विषयले ठुलो रुप लिएको देखियो ।
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about other concerns about the pandemic. What will our lives be like after the quarantine gets lifted? We will have to work through this “quarantine state of mind” we have adapted to and it will take weeks if not months. I was reading an article where David Spigel, professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford University said, “ We are training people to see the world as a dangerous place. This invisible enemy could be anywhere.” Interacting with anyone other than the immediate family members won’t be easy, say your interaction with your shopkeeper, bank teller, barber because we now have been trained to view them as potential carriers. Another major concern I have as a student of Clinical Psychology is that I think people will develop agoraphobia, where some people refuse to leave their homes. Mask was always a major part of our lifestyle but now it will become a wardrobe staple.
घर वरपर लकडाउन भएको जस्तो वातावरण नै थिएन । पहिला जस्तै थियो तर अहिले पुरुषको दैनिकीमा मात्र फरक देखिएको छ । लकडाउन पछि कामहरु सबै बन्द भएपछि प्राय पुरुषहरु फ्रि छन् । त्यसैले एक हुल बनाएर कोही जनचेतनाका लागि गाउँ टोल टोलमा गएर माइकिङ्ग गर्थे त कोही कि तास खेल्थे कि खसी खोज्न हिड्थे । ठेचोका प्राय महिलाहरु गलैचा बुन्ने र खेतीपातीको काम गर्छन् । अहिले लकडाउनका कारण अर्डर आउन बन्द भएपछि अहिले उहाँहरु घरायसी काम र खेतीपातीमा व्यस्त हुनुहुन्छ । वास्तवमा भन्नुपर्दा महिलाहरुलाई लकडाउनको बेलामा पनि दैनिक जीवनमा केही परिवर्तन आएको छैन । 