By Pooja Pant

 

Women are dying during and after childbirth. More than 800 people have committed suicide in these days of lockdown. Men died during the long walk back to their villages. People are dying from hunger slowly. The quarantine facilities built by the government are spreading covid instead of helping to control it. Daily wage workers are dying in the streets. 

Migrant workers are stuck with no help from any government. How they will feed themselves in a land away from their own – with no jobs doesn’t concern the government. Dead bodies were waiting in line to come back home for the final rites – they are now being cremated wherever they died. Does anything about the fate of the citizens concern our government? Or are they just too busy drawing new maps, making new laws that put an end to our privacy, fighting about who gets to be prime minister next, trying to figure out how to lap up the millions of dollars that was supposed to help people? We citizens; sit at home silently waiting for our deaths while we let these parasites feed on our blood.

 

We all feel a little down. A little overwhelmed. A little anxious. A little creative some days and an absolute dry spell on other days. A little hard to focus. 

Corona days have tested us all in many ways. It has made us think, reflect and see things in our homes and communities that maybe had been easier to ignore before. It has made us slow our pace and listen to birds sing. It has forced us to think about how we feel, what we see, how we have been tested and how we can come out of this stronger than ever before. It has clearly shown us the class and gender differences in our society. For some, these days have been about how to beat hunger and for some, these days have been about learning how to cook better. For some, these days have become quality time with their families and for some, these days means trying to stay out of people’s ways to avoid getting hurt. 

Personally, at any given time I can feel both very vulnerable and strong. It has made me think a lot – about what is really important in life. It is a time of tests, stress and just trying to be in the present. Not thinking about the future or the past. Not thinking about what was and what will be but what is. In the beginning, all I could think about was how this will soon pass and I can return to life as I knew it and had planned and wanted it to be like. But now, all those ideas and thoughts are gone. There is no such thing as normal. There is no future. 

I wanted to see the sky and fly;
if not in reality then in my imagination.
But I couldn’t.

My 2-year-old has taught me a lot, most importantly, the value of  living in the present. For her, there is no tomorrow. She does not hold on to ideas of the past. There is only NOW. What she wants changes from moment to moment. And she lives gregarious in that present. The circumstances around her does not matter. As long as she is mentally or physically stimulated, all is good around her. 

I have spent many days feeling utterly claustrophobic. The house I call home currently is in the middle of Kathmandu, literally a 2-minute walk from Kathmandu Durbar Square. While it definitely has its perks of being in the middle of the city, there are also aspects that are not all that. One of the most blatantly glaring minuses of my home during the lockdown is the crowded space that we share. All the houses are adjoined to one another and when I go to the rooftop for some space and air, I realize that my sky is totally divided. I do not have access to an absolute open sky. I cannot see the horizon. There are taller buildings that block my sky. It trapped me. I choked. I wanted to see the sky and fly; if not in reality then in my imagination. But I couldn’t. I kept crashing onto one building or another. Some days it has been truly horrible. 

Unable to bear it anymore, one day, I went for a walk (of course, wearing a mask and maintaining physical distance). I saw a friend who is also a neighbor and remembered that he has a nice bicycle. I asked to borrow his bicycle and finally after inflating the tyre, I held a bicycle handle after 3 years. After living in Amsterdam for 7 years, I used to be an absolute bicycle fiend. I came back to Nepal and everyone I knew, knew me as the woman who cycled around crazy Kathmandu traffic.

 ‘Buy a scooter.’ 

‘Come On, you lived in Europe and you don’t even have a car.’ 

‘What will people say? You ride a bicycle and get to places in your dusty clothes and grimy face? All sweaty’

So many comments from family followed my bicycling habit. But one fine day, 3 years ago I went to the gynecologist and he said to me “You are pregnant. Now the first thing I want you to do is dump the bicycle.” I was shocked. “Why? In Amsterdam women with huge bellies go around on their bicycles. Why can’t I?’ I asked him. 

He looked at me. 

“Look around you. Does this look like Amsterdam? Do the roads look like Dutch roads? Does the horrendous dust and traffic look like Dutch conditions? Listen to me. Do not ride your bicycle. Do not even ride scooters or motorbikes if you want your baby to be safe”.

And this put an end to my bicycling. 

So in the midst of uncertain times of pandemic COVID-19, I renewed my friendship with an old friend – a Giant bicycle! 

This was what got me out of my feeling of being restrained. I rode. I felt the wind through my hair. I experienced empty roads of Kathmandu with Jacaranda flowers paving my path. I felt free. I finally felt alive again. 

The pandemic has forced us indoors. Face to face with ourselves. For those who have indoors – these doors, windows and walls have made us claustrophobic at times and safe at other times. For those who have no indoors – this world has once again shown them how brutal it can be. 

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मञ्जु जि.सी

 

कोरोना भाईरस संक्रमण विश्वभर फैलिने क्रम बिस्तारै ईरान, इटली, हुँदै सबै तिर फैलिँदै थियो । यसका लक्षणहरु रुघा, खोकी, उच्च ज्वरो भन्ने बिभिन्न टिभी, रेडियो सामाजिक सन्जालहरु सबैतिर आइरहेको थियो । सरकारले पनि स्कुलहरुलाई चैत ५ गते सम्ममा परिक्षा सक्नु भनि सकेको थियो । चैत ३ गते बाबुको जन्मदिन थियो । बच्चाको रहर अनुसार केक अर्डर गरी सामान्य तरिकाले जन्मदिन मनायौं । ४ गते बेलुका छोरालाई ज्वरो आयो । भोलिपल्ट अलि कम भयो । अब त आउँदैनकी जस्तो लाग्यो तर रातीबाट फेरी ज्वरो आउन सरु भयो । समचारमा बारम्बार महामारीको संक्रमित बढेको र त्यसकोे लक्षणहरु दोहोर्याई रहेको थियो ।

उसको बाबा पनि यहाँ हुनुहुन्न । कोरोनाको लक्षणमा ज्वरो आउने, रुघा लाग्ने, खोकी लाग्ने भन्ने छ । बाबुलाई रुघा लागेको थिएन, ज्वरो भने १०० डिग्री भन्दा माथि थियो अनि खोकी हल्का थियो । विश्व त्रसित भएको बेला म नहुने कुरै भएन । ज्वरोको औषधी घरमै थियो । औषधी खाए पछि ज्वरोले छाड्ने अनि औषधीले छुन छोडेपछि फेरी आउन सरु गथ्र्यो । रातभर उज्यालो कति बेला हुन्छ भन्ने लागि रह्यो । यत्तिकैमा चराचुरुंगीहरु कराउन थाले, मान्छेहरु हिँड्न सुरु भयो । एक पटक अस्पताल लान पर्यो भनेर सँधै लगिराखेको हात्तिसारको क्लिनिकमा लगें । डाक्टरले हेरेर “खासै केही छैन, यो भाइरल ज्वरो हो । खुवाइ राखेको औषधी खुवाउनु” भनेपछी मन केही हल्का भयो । घर लिएर आएँ । बाबुले केहि खान मान्दैन थियो । कर गरेर केहि खुवाएर औषधी खुवाएँ तर आज सन्चो होला भोली सन्चो होला भन्यो हुँदैन । औषधीको समयसम्म ठीक हुन्छ अनि फेरी काम्दै ज्वरो आउँछ । दिनमा त ठीकै हुने तर रातभरी एउटा आमाले मात्र लिएर बस्दा यो आमाको मनले के के सोच्छ के के?

४ दिन सम्म पनि ज्वरो ठीक नभएपछि फेरि एक पटक देखाउन पर्यो भनेर त्यहीं लगें । एकपटक रगत जाँच्न भन्नु भयो डाक्टरले । रगतको रिपोर्ट पर्सि मात्र आउँछ भन्नु भयो । त्यति बेलासम्म नेपालमा लकडाउन भएको थिएन । तर भोलिपल्टबाट अकस्मात सरकारले लकडाउनको घोषणा गर्यो ।

अब रिपोट के गर्ने ? रिपोर्टमा के पो भन्ने हुन् भन्ने चिन्ता लाग्न थाल्यो । बाबुलाई सञ्चो हुने कुनै छाँट देखिएको थिएन । ६ दिन भई सक्यो ज्वरो घटेको हैन । ६ दिनको बिहानै रिपोर्टको लागि फोन गरेँ । लकडाउनको कारण सबै सेवा बन्द गरेको कारण रिपोर्ट पठाऊन असमर्थ छौं भनेपछी मन झन आत्तियो । बच्चा बिरामी हुँदा एक आमाको मन थामिने कुरा भएन । आफूले जानेसुनेका सबै उपाय खोजें । अनलाईनमा कान्ति बाल अस्पतालको नम्बर राखिएको रहेछ । नम्बर टिपेर फोन गरें । फोन उठ्ने बित्तिकै मलाई सोधियो, “तपाईंकोमा बाहिरबाट कोही आएको छ?” मैले नढाँटी छ भनें । अनि कहाँबाट आएको? कहिले? त्यसो भए तरुन्त टेकू अस्पताल लिएर जानु भन्ने उत्तर आयो । मेरो छोरोलाई भाईरल ज्वरो हो, चेक गरिसकें भन्ने मौकासम्म नदिई फोन काटियो । तर वास्तवमा भाई आउनु भन्दा पहिलो दिनमा नै बाबुलाई ज्वरो आइसकेको थियो । उहाँ सेल्फ क्वारेन्टाईनमा बस्नु भएको थियो । उहाँको सबै कुरा छुटै थियो । यस्तो परिस्थितिमा टेकू कसरी जाने? नभएको रोग पनि फेरि लाग्ने हो की? भन्ने डर भयो ।

घर छिमेकी वडा सदस्य हुनुहुन्थ्यो । उहाँले हिजो मात्रै केही भयो भने फोन गर्नु भन्नु भएको थियो । फोन गरेँ । उहाँले तुरुन्त एम्बुलेन्स बोलाएर नजिकैको टिचिङ्ग अस्पताल लिएर जान सल्लाह दिनु भयो । यो समयमा सहज तरिकाले गरेको सहयोगले मन जित्यो र मनमा प्रश्न उठ्यो के सबैका छिमेकी र जनप्रतिनिधि भनिने वडा सदस्यहरूले यसरी नै सहयोग गरेका छन् ?

टिचिङ्ग अस्पतालको गेटमा ज्वरो नाप्न राखिएको रहेछ । सबैको ज्वरो नाप्यो । बाबुको ज्वरो थिएन । बाबुको ज्वरो त्यति बेला औषधीले गर्दा होला घटेको थियो । अस्पताल भित्र पस्यौं । कोरोनाले सबै त्रास भएको बेला ज्वरो भनेपछी सबै स्वास्थ्यकर्मीहरु पनि अलि फरक व्यवहार गरे जस्तो गर्ने भएका रहेछन् । परैबाट कहिलेबाट आएको ज्वरो? अलि उतै बस्नु है भन्दै सबै सोधपुछ गरे । औषधी खाइ राखेको भन्ने बुझेपछि औषधीको मात्रा नपुगेर जस्तो छ । खुवाई राखेको औषधी नखुवाउनु भन्दै पहिलाको मात्रा कम भयो भनेर केही डोज थपेर नयाँ औषधी लेखिदिनु भयो । औषधी किनेर त्यहि ऐम्बुलेन्समा फर्कियौं ।

घरमा आएर ६ घण्टाको फरकमा ३ पटक औषधी खुवाएपछि बाबुलाई ज्वरोले भोलीपल्टै छोड्यो । त्यसपछि अलिअलि खाने कुराहरु पनि खान थाल्यो । मेरो मनमा भएका अनेक त्रासहरू बिस्तारै कम हुन थाले । बाबुमा क्रमिक सुधार देखिन थालेको थियो । तर विश्वमा भने दिनानुदिन संक्रमितहरुको संख्या बढेको बढ्यै छ ।

यो लेख्दै गर्दा देश भित्र पनि तेस्रो चरणमा संक्रमित पुगेको छ । यो अवस्थामा सबै घरमै बसौं, स्वस्थ रहौं, आफ्नो स्वास्थ्यको ख्याल गरौं । यो परिस्थितिमा कोही आमाहरूलाई मेरो जस्तो पीडा भोग्न नपरोस् भनी प्रार्थना गर्दछु ।

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