“People refuse to rent me a room when I tell them my surname.”
Meet Aasha Kumari B.K, Deepa Nepali, and Gauri Nepali, who suffer discrimination while acquiring rental rooms in Kathmandu.
“People refuse to rent me a room when I tell them my surname”, a film by Shanta Nepali.
She is the Story को यो अंकमा रोशनी राईले आफ्नो कथा सुनाउनु भएको छ । रोशनी राई एक उदयमान बक्सिङ खेलाडीको रुपमा हामी सबै माझ परिचित हुनुहुन्छ । कुनैबेला लाहुरे बन्ने सपना साचेकी रोशनी राईले बक्सिङमा राष्ट्रिय स्तरको प्रतियोगीताहरुमा आफ्नो नाम स्वर्णले कोर्न सफल हुनु भएको छ । यस कथामा उनले आफ्नो बक्सिङ यात्राका साथसाथै सार्वजनिक यातायातमा भोगेको दुर्व्यवहारको विषयमा कुरा गर्नु भएको छ ।
Roshani Rai | She is the Story
उनी एक कथाको (She is the Story) अबको शृङ्खलामा भिडियो कथाहरु समेट्नेछौं । हाम्रो पहिलो कथामा प्रणिका कोयूले आफ्नो कथा सुनाउनु भएको छ । प्रणिका कोयू एक उर्जाशील कवि, फरकधारका लेखक, शोधकर्ता र महिला आन्दोलनका अभियान्ताका रूपमा परिचित हुनुहुन्छ नै । धेरैलाई उनी एक आमा हुनुहुन्छ भन्ने थाहा छैन । यस कथामा उनले आफ्नो छोरा र छोरा हुर्कंदै गरेको समाजको बारेमा कुरा गर्नुहुन्छ । यो कथा उनै संघर्षशील आमा प्रणिका कोयूको हो ।
One day during class, my teacher asked, “How many of you are 10 years old? Raise your hands”. I didn’t raise my hands but I was very curious to know why. It wasn’t only me; my friends were also equally curious. Soon after, our teacher ended our curiosity. She told us that Mahakavi Laxmi Prasad Devkota had written his first poem when he was 10 years old. While she was mentioning that, there were a lot of things going inside my mind. I was only 8 years old and I was asking myself if I too was able to write a poem or not. That evening, after reaching home, I jotted down few words in a piece of paper, and recited, like a poem, to my mother. After hearing, she told me that she really liked it. I was motivated to write more and then slowly, I started to write poems, stories, and essays. My work began to get published in many different children’s magazines. This inspired me to write more.
Gradually, I was being known for my literature. When I was in school, I had already published my collection of poems and stories. I used to take part in different competitions. In the first competition, I had won the first prize and which motivated me a lot. I would normally win most of the competitions. Also, my teachers and even my mother would usually predict that I would win. Even my friends would assume that I will win the competition that I take part in. Most of the time it was inspiring but gradually I started to feel the pressure to win every competition. Later I realized that it is more important to improve your skill and build your capacity than to win the competitions.
I started to focus on how to improve my skills. I remember ever since I was little, I loved singing and humming songs. It must be because my mother sees me being happy whenever I sing. She had arranged a music class at home. As I started to learn more, I thought it would be nice to share what I had learned so far, thus, I began giving music lessons too.
Along with music, I never stopped studying and writing. Writing became a very important part of my life. Many times when I had no space to express my feelings, it was the only medium where I could vent. Maybe this is why I established an indispensable and spiritual relationship with writing.
I never had any aim in my life, I never functioned that way. That is why, apart from literature and music, I engaged myself in various different fields. My interests and my experiences are in different areas and I never thought that I need to be a master in one particular discipline.
I recall my childhood days when I think about the colorful moments of my life.
I was my mother’s first child and she was really happy. I could hear her talk but my mother was stunned when she found out that I wasn’t able to see her. I was taken to the hospital, and I was diagnosed with visual impairment. My mother was in extreme shock and it took a while for her to accept my reality.
My mother visited Tilganga hospital many times for my eye treatment. During that course, she saw a huge crowd of people who had vision impairment, and that helped her realize the scene and gradually accept the truth. The only thing that my eyes are capable of differentiating is the brightness and the darkness of day and night. After accepting my truth, my mother started to focus on how to make me more competent and more capable. She also learned how to use Braille. Throughout my learning process, she never allowed my vision impairment to be my weakness. However, because there weren’t any disability-friendly schools for people like me, we were compelled to study in a regular school.
My mother is my ultimate inspiration. It is because of her that at 22 years of age, I feel very independent. It is not only me; my family also feels the same. Earlier, my grandmother used to worry about my marriage. She would think that no one will want to marry me but now she feels that anyone will be ready to marry me.
Even though we were competent, the education system and the fact that the curriculum was not constructed keeping people like me in consideration, we felt that the exam result didn’t justify our capacity.
Though I am visually impaired, I am forced to face more challenges because I am a woman. Our society has basic rudimentary norms and principles which makes it very difficult for me to function on a daily basis. I am not only a woman but a woman with disability. If I reach home a little late or hang out with my friends, my neighbor would sneak peek and make assumptions about me or question my family. I and my mother have faced these questions several times. This is not just because I am visually impaired but more so because I am a woman who is also visually impaired.
Once you are identified as a person with disability, the way people look at you is very different.
I have observed that in our society if you are born disability, you are left for the government to look after, assuming that you are their responsibility. Even in the families, the disability are cramped within the four walls in the name of security. I do feel bad regarding their stereotypical social attitude towards me but more than that I feel really sad for them and their perspectives. I cannot forget all those moments when I cried alone. My mother was always with me during those days to encourage me. My family members and my teachers always supported me on all my decisions.
This is not just because I am visually impaired but more so because I am a woman who is also visually impaired.
While analyzing my previous days, I think it’s my interests and the choices I made that got me where I am today. I was a good student, and because of that my mother always wanted me to work in an office. Even today, she keeps insisting me to find a job. However, I always explain to her that maybe the job will keep her happy but it will not make me happy. I’ve always loved exploring various fields and learning from them.
While doing what you love, I realized that it is necessary to raise your voice about the issues concerning persons with disability. Hence, I have facilitated many different programs that were organized for disabled children with regard to their psychosocial wellbeing. It takes a lot of effort to convince the parents of children to bring them to the camp. Despite the challenges I faced, I want to continue doing what I am doing that concerns children with disability. As of now, I am giving them online classes. Today, they are able to recognize the letters and alphabets. Some of them are able to write poems and stories as well. I am really happy to witness them getting better at it. When I hear their stories, it reminds me of my childhood days. It’s not my age but my experiences that have made me mature.
I have no complaints about not being able to live my teen life. My life experiences are my learning and this learning will guide me to live the rest of my life.
While remembering my childhood, the memory that is stuck in my head is when I heard a unique, sweet rhythmic beat coming from the narrow streets. I heard it while going to school every day. Every time I hear those strange rhythmic sounds my heart would start dancing.
My ancestral house is in Jiri but my family moved to Sindhupalchowk for business. That’s where I grew up. I was sent to a government school while my brother went to a private school. I would have to walk for an hour while my brother got picked up by a bus every day. I never questioned that impartiality that was done to me rather I was thankful that I was given an opportunity to go to the school unlike other girls from the village. Life, in general, was difficult in the village. At a certain point in my childhood, we moved to Kathmandu for better livelihood possibilities.
I never questioned that impartiality that was done to me rather I was thankful that I was given an opportunity to go to the school
One day I saw a group of boys playing something which produced the same sound I would hear while going to school every day. That was the first time I saw the drums.
Girls playing musical instruments were rare. In fact, it would be considered bad-omen if women, in particular, do so. Even though there were barely any girls playing musical instruments, I didn’t let that stop me. When all the young teenage boys were forming music bands, I formed a band with the girls I played basketball with. I had no idea about music. But I knew that I wanted to become play the drum, become a drummer. After my 10th grade exams, I started taking drumming lessons. Financially it was very difficult for my mother; she still managed to save some money for my drum classes. Even though I didn’t own a drum at home, I was so passionate about it that I would put pillows in front of me as though they were drums and practice.
In the beginning, we went to learn music to show that girls can also play as boys but later on we became serious about music. After forming our band we were invited to perform at school. They asked the name of our band which we had never thought of it. One of our members, Sushma Ghalan, promptly suggested “Gorkhali Girls Band”. From that day the journey of our band started.
We started performing regularly in musical events. In many places, they would have their instruments for us to play but sometimes we were asked to bring our own instruments and we didn’t have any. So during Tihar, we played Deusi Bhailo in rich people’s neighborhoods to gather money to buy instruments.
Gradually we started getting more opportunities to play music and we started getting better and better at what we did. We were very excited when one time we were invited to play music along with 1974 AD, a pioneer pop band that was one of our sources of inspiration.
Also Watch this: Gorkhali Girls Band performing 1974 AD’s song in a TV show.
Some of my relatives would pass comments to my mother about me playing drums but she would ignore them. My mother was happy to see me happy playing drums and that was more than enough for me. Like my mother, other band member’s parents were also happy about what we were doing. A few years ago, a leading national daily newspaper featured our band. My mother was so happy that she cut out the news piece and framed it. I heard that my other band member’s parents also did the same. It was definitely a proud moment for us, the daughters.
“What do we do after we get married?”
In 2019 our band was successful to release our second song. Our band was making memories and success stories. But one question always loomed in our heads, “What do we do after we get married?” All of us are getting matured. We might get into some circumstances and need to leave a band but I believe if we are strong enough to stay stick with our vision, then we can manage it even after we get married or even in our fifties. We are slowly getting responsibility towards our families. And these responsibilities will add more as we get older. We know that we can’t sustain our life only by making music and it’s a bitter truth. We are also aware that at one point we might need to take a break from band and find jobs for a living. But we will try our best to do music along.
My aim was not to become a drummer. It is a will power that arose while growing up and experiencing gender discrimination. It was my rage against a society that thinks that man can only play music. It was an unintended zeal to do better than boys as I was treated differently for just being a girl. I still ponder about why did my brother had the privilege to go to a decent school and not me? There are deep-rooted inequalities in society and someone has to fight against them and I consider myself to be one. I know it’s not enough but even if it could change like 1 percentage then I’d consider myself successful. The change has to be done here, so since my childhood I never thought of leaving the country. I always wanted to do something in my own country, in my own community.
Now, I’m involved in the organization, named Calls Over Ridges, which works for the betterment of the education system in Nepal. I can totally see the need for a good education in our country. I remember going to the government school and the quality of education they provide. But I’m thankful to my parents for sending me to the school, at least, while dealing with so many socio-economic hardships. But I want this scene to change for the upcoming generations, especially the girls. Together with music and advocating for better education, I think I can bring some change to improve the education system of government schools.
There was a time when, because of her, I would sit in a corner of a room and cry. But, lately the smallest changes in her, brings me a lot of joy. Also, sometimes I feel very proud of myself because I was able to recognize her at a proper time. It is because of her that today the story of my life has turned around.
I have always wanted to live independently. So, as soon as I was done with high school, I came to Kathmandu from Lahan to pursue my further studies. Even till today I can vividly remember my college days. I never wanted to depend on anyone and so just after I completed my BBA I started to work at “Kohinoor Housing Center”. I was able to sustain myself with my earnings and I also enrolled myself for a Masters course. I got married soon after. I started to work at Siddhartha Finance after my marriage and both my marital life and career was going smoothly. Three years after our marriage, we decided to have a baby. We were really happy when we conceived successfully. Like any other mother, who dreams of what she would do for her baby and how she would raise the child, I too began to have a lot of dreams for my child. I wanted to raise my child to be independent and instead of pressuring her to become a doctor or an engineer, I wanted her to be whatever it is that she wanted to be. I had a little dream to be known because of her. Nine months after dreaming every possible dream for my child, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. Few months after her arrival, I slowly went back to my normal routine. I was fulfilling my role sometimes as a wife, sometimes a mother and other times as an employee.
In 2015, my daughter was 14 months old when we had a massive earthquake in our country. I still remember that she was asleep and I had cried endlessly when I carried her during the earthquake. After that, I had left my daughter at my mother’s place. Four months later I brought her back envisioning all wonderful possibilities. However, as they say, life is never how you imagine it to be. I felt that there was a huge difference in her behavior. She preferred to stay alone, she didn’t interact with anyone, it looked as if she was really hurt. I started to get worried. I assumed that maybe her fear of earthquake was still there and that’s why she was behaving that way, or maybe because I kept her away from me for a long time and hence she was behaving like that? I started questioning myself a lot.
How can a mother possibly be okay with any of that?
I too wanted to see my daughter laughing and playing
like any other normal child.
I started to research. I realized that I have to spend good amount of time with her. I even consulted with my brother who is also a doctor. While researching, I came across a word – autism. This word was very new to me. I knew nothing about it. I was advised to meet and consult with another doctor. During my first meet itself, the doctor said that she has symptoms of autism. I got even more stressed. There wasn’t much information about autism in Nepal during those days. I consulted with many doctors looking for its cure. It got so tiring and I lost my hope. Surprisingly, Autism Care Nepal brought back my hopes. Without any further delay, I took my daughter to that organization. After careful and thorough inspection, the special educator there finally concluded that she did have autism. But, her treatment could take some time. She was only 18 months old then and so I was advised to wait for a while. It was so disappointing. He was a special educator so he spoke in the medical terms but I am mother. How can a mother possibly be okay with any of that? I too wanted to see my daughter laughing and playing like any other normal child. I didn’t want to wait any longer. My entire life was upside down. All I could see was just my daughter. I didn’t want to lose even a single day for her treatment. I thought that autism is also like any other disease, that the sooner treatment started, the sooner it would be cured. I was confident that I will take her anywhere in the world for her treatment. No one in Nepal was really able to explain to me what autism really is. I always thought that if she’s provided with proper treatment she will be perfectly fine and so, I never stopped my research.
After a while I found out that my aunt’s child was also autistic. They were in Kochi, India for the treatment. Me and my husband discussed about the treatment in India and decided to take our daughter. I really didn’t have to think much whether or not I should resign from my work then. I just wanted my daughter to get better. The next day after my resignation, we took our daughter to India. We stayed there for four months. The heat and the weather of India didn’t suit my daughter’s health and she often fell sick. We had to admit her to a hospital instead of the therapy center. In Kochi, they only communicate either in Malayalam or in English. Our daughter was small and didn’t speak either of the languages so communications became a major issue during her therapy sessions. During our four months stay there, she was only able to get a month’s therapy. There were not much changes in her so we decided to get her back to Nepal.
We didn’t know where in Nepal we could take her for a proper treatment. To make her a little more active, I started to give her therapy at home with whatever I knew. While researching, I came across National Institute of Psycho Educational Counseling. I took her there and started the therapy sessions. I noticed few changes in her and I was hopeful again. Along with my daughter’s therapy session, the counselor there also started to counsel me. I used to think that my daughter is disabled but after careful analysis, I understood that she was differently able. We then slowly began to accept her for who she is and when that happened we could feel that she was also happier. Earlier, she would be terrified even to cross a small path and now she can walk across big roads. I still remember the day when she called us mother and father. I felt like we had won it all. I was so happy that I couldn’t stop crying. Even now sometimes when she is playing, she would randomly blabber these words – mummy and daddy. I realize that it will take a long time to bring changes in her. We have to teach her in the way that’s more comfortable for her. Clearly, this is not the easy way but it’s not impossible.
I do feel very sad but at the same time I am also happy that because of her, I am learning new things.
Whenever I had to go out, parties or gatherings, I never used to bring my child along with me thinking that it would be very difficult to manage her. I used to drop her at my brother’s place. Later, when I understood what autism is and her behaviors, I now take her with me, every place I go. Once she started to spend time with these groups, she began to understand our world. It takes a little time for her but it’s not like she doesn’t understand. Hence, these days I only go out when it’s feasible for me and my daughter. My family and my friends are very understanding and that’s why they organize any gathering according to our feasibility. I have noticed that many other parents who have autistic children find it difficult to bring their child in social gatherings. But, I think these children should be brought in social gatherings and slowly they will learn to adjust.
I have to pay special attention to my daughter. This is the major difference between us and mothers who have “normal” children. No matter what, we cannot be as free as other mothers. Autistic children have a different world than ours. My daughter’s therapy starts at the beginning of my day. My daughter is now six and a half years old. I need to help her to go to the toilet and brush her teeth. After a lot of therapy, she can now eat on her own. Other children can learn many things by themselves but she couldn’t. I need to teach her in a symbolic way which she can understand well. After finishing my household chores, I prepare her to do her exercise according to the schedule of her school. I spend my days mentoring her to do her exercises and playing with her.
Every one suffers and it’s that suffering which will teach you a lot about life. Sometimes I used to feel sad because of my autistic daughter but it is only because of her, I have so many positive changes in me. I am very glad for that. I used to very reserved person. I never could talk to people quickly and openly and I lacked confidence. Now, because of her, I can speak with confidence. When I first started taking my daughter to the therapy center, she used to happily run towards her therapist – Sarita maam. She was happier with her mam than with me. That made me feel very bad. Therefore, I started to talk to her caretakers. I observed how they used to interact with her. Then slowly, I got closer to my daughter.
Now, she is my friend and I am hers.
In many cases, women feel bad because after having a child, they cannot continue to work on their careers. But, when I look at myself, I feel I have learned a lot and achieved a lot as well. I find myself a lot different than other mothers. I think I have gained all the skills required to look after autistic children and would like to work with them on a professional level one day when my daughter is a bit more grown. I am really proud of my daughter and who she turned me into.
संसारमा दुःखहरु त धेरै आउँछ तर यो पटकको दुःख अति नै ठुलो छ । कहाँबाट यो कोरोना भाइरस आयो? थाहा छैन । कोरोना भाइरसका कारण देशभर लकडाउन भयो । हामी सबै घरमा बस्नु पर्ने भयो । घरमा बस्नु त राम्रो हो तर बस्दा बस्दा केही गर्न मन नलाग्ने, दिक्क लाग्ने भयो ।
कोरोना भाइरसका कारण कक्षा ९ को अन्तिम परीक्षा अगाडि सर्यो । परीक्षा सकेर अब कक्षा १० मा जाने भयौं भनेर हामी एकदम खुशी भएका थियौं । सरले हामी सबैलाई घुम्न लैजाउँला भन्नु भएको थियो । घुम्न जाने कुराले हामीहरु झन खुशी थियौं । खास गरि परोपकारको होस्टलमा बस्ने हामी सबै साथीहरु घुम्न जान पाइने भयो भनेर रमाउँदै थियौं । त्यतिबेला अन्य देशहरुमा कोरोना भाईरसको संक्रमितको संख्या बढिरहेको थियो । तर नेपालमा भने कोरोना संक्रमित व्यक्तिको पुष्टि भएको थिएन । हामीलाई पनि कोरोना भाइरस नेपालमा आएको छैन होला जस्तो लागेको थियो । तर एक्कासी कोरोना भाइरसको कारण चैत्र १० गतेदेखि लकडाउन भयो भन्ने सरले सुनाउनु भयो । त्यसपछि हामी एकदम डराएका थियौं । मरिने पो हो की? भन्ने लागेको थियो । हामी सबै एकै ठाउँमा भएकोले केही हुन्न होला भन्ने पनि लाग्यो । यो सबै त्रासको बिचमा घुम्न जाने त के? बाहिर निस्कन समेत पाइएन । मरे पनि सबै एकै ठाउँमा छौं । मरे मरिन्छ भन्ने पनि लाग्यो । सबै परिवार (होस्टलको साथीहरु) एकै ठाउँमा, साथी, दिदीहरु सबै सँगै बस्न, रमाईलो गर्न पाइने भयो भनेर खुशी पनि थियौं । हामी कति पछि सबैसँगै बसेर खाना खाने खेल्ने गर्दा छुट्टै आनन्द आईरहेको थियो । लकडाउनको करिब २ हप्ता हामीले रमाईलोसँग बितायौं । हामी होस्टलमा रमाईलोसँग बसिरहदा भने बाहिर भएका अन्य साथीहरुको एकदम याद आइरहेको थियो । हामीहरुले आफ्नो ममी, हजुरआमालाई एकदम याद गर्यौैं । आफ्नो साथी, दाजु भाईको याद गर्यौैं । यसरी परिवारको याद आउँदा आफन्तलाई फोन गर्यौैं । त्यस पछि एक किसिमको आनन्दको अनुभूती भयो । सुरु–सुरुमा होस्टलमा बस्दा रमाइलो भयो, आफू भन्दा ठूलो कक्षाको दिदीहरुसँग बस्न पाइने भयो भनेर रमाइलो लागी रहेको थियो । सबैले आ—आफ्नो सम्बन्ध सुधार गर्न पाउने भयो, एक अर्कालाई बुझ्न पाइयो भनेर खुशी लागेकोे थियो । फेसबुक म्यासेन्जरबाट कुरा गरेर झन बढी नजिकियो र इन्टरनेटबाट नयाँ कुराहरु सिक्ने मौका पाइयो । होस्टलको सिनियर दिदीहरुले आफ्नो कुराहरु सुनाउँदा एकदमै खुशी हुन्थ्यौं । हामी होस्टल बस्ने भएर पनि होला बाहिर निस्कन नपाएर पनि हामीलाई खासै फरक परेको थिएन । किन कि हामी होस्टल बस्नेहरु पहिला पनि खासै बाहिर निस्कन पाइँदैनथ्यो । तर पढाई नहुँदा होस्टल भित्र मात्र कोच्चिएर बस्नु पर्दा भने एकदम अत्यास लाग्यो । स्कुल कहिले खुल्छ? भन्ने सोच्दा सोच्दा झन धेरै चिन्ता लागिरहेको छ ।
लकडाउनले गर्दा हामीले गर्ने दैनिक कार्यहरु छुट्यो । हाम्रो कुनै होमवर्क छैन, कुनै नियम छैन, टिचर छैन, लेक्चर छैन तर हाम्रो अलग दुनिया भएको थियो ।
लकडाउनले गर्दा हाम्रो होस्टलमा गरिने नियमित क्रियाकलापहरु पुरै छुट्यो । कुनै होमओर्क छैन, कुनै नियम छैन, टिचर छैन, लेक्चर छैन, तर यस कारणले गर्दा हाम्रो पढ्ने बानी भने छुट्यो, जसले गर्दा किताब पल्टाउने बित्तिकै निन्द्रा लाग्ने भयो । दिउँसो कहिल्यै नसुत्ने मान्छे दिउँसो सुत्ने भएका थियौं । तर केहीलाई भने रमाइलो पनि भएको थियो । हामी कक्षा १० मा पुगीसकेर पनि होला, हामीले ध्यान दिएर पढ्नु पर्छ भन्ने कुराले मात्र हामीलाई पढ्नलाई प्रेरित गरिरहेको छ । त्यसैले जबर्जस्ती हामी पढ्ने कोसिस गरिरहेका छौं ।
कोरोना भाईरसको डर कम गर्न विभिन्न क्रियाकलापहरु गरे पनि हाम्रो भित्री मनमा भने कोरोना भाईरसको डर हटेको छैन तर डर कम गर्न हामी नयाँ–नयाँ कुराहरु सिक्ने विभिन्न क्रियाकलाप गर्ने गरिरहेका हुन्छौं । जे गरे पनि डर त हामीबाट टाढा नै जाँदो रहेनछ । हामी सकेसम्म आफूलाई व्यस्त बनाउने कोसिस गर्छाैं ।
समय व्यवस्थापन गर्नको लागि बिस्तारै हामी केही साथीहरुले चित्र बनाउन थाल्यौं, केहीले आफ्नो मनमा लागेको कुरा डायरीमा लेख्न थाल्यौ, तास खेल्ने, गित बजाएर नाच्ने, टिकटक हेरेर बस्ने, यूटुव हेर्ने, सरको मोवाईल मागेर लुडो खेल्ने, नेटफ्लिक्समा फिल्म हेर्ने, टि.भि. हेर्ने जस्ता विभिन्न क्रियाकलापहरु गर्न थाल्यौं । होस्टलको गार्डेनमा फुलिरहेका फूलहरुको, हरियाली र स्वच्छ हावाले गर्दा पनि हामीलाई समय बिताउन सहज बनायो । अहिले पनि एक प्रकारको रमाईलो भइरहेको छ । रमाईलो वातावरणमा रमाउँदै गर्दा भने हामीलाई पढ्नै बिर्सिएको जस्तो भईरहेको छ । केही साथीहरुलाई पहिल्यै देखि अनलाईन क्लास अल्छी लाग्थ्यो । अनलाईन क्लास हुँदा कोही लुकेर बस्थे । यसले गर्दाे अनलाइन क्लासले त्यति धेरै प्रभाव पारेन । हामी सबै जना कसरी समय बिताउने भनेर खोजी रहेका हुन्छौं । समय बिताउन कै लागि हामी कोठा सफा गर्ने, झ्याल पुछ्ने, लुगा धुने, भलिबल खेल्ने र क्रिकेट खेल्ने ग¥यौ । हामी सबैको बिस्तारै भलिबलमा सबैको सुधार भइरहेको थियो । क्रिकेट खेल्दा अति रमाइलो लाग्थ्यो । सुरुमा क्रिकेट खेल्यौं, पछि टिम नपुगेर भलिबल खेल्न थाल्यौं । पछि फेरी स्कूलमा रंग लगाउन थालेको भएर भलिबल खेल्न पनि रोकिएको छ । अहिले खेल्ने ठाउँ नभएर हामीलाई दिन कटाउन गाह्रो भएको छ । होस्टलमा नयाँ स्मार्ट टिभी किनेको छ त्यसले गर्दा समय बिताउन अलि सहज भएको छ । १ बजेसम्म खाजा, खाना हुन्छ अनि पढ्ने गर्छौं । नेटफ्लिक्समा फिल्म र्हेछौं । अहिले त हामी रातको १२ बजेसम्म टि.भी. हेर्छांै । यो हाम्रो नराम्रो बानी जस्तो पनि लाग्छ । त्यहि भएर भान्सामा दिदीलाई सघाउन पनि जान्छौं । हाम्रो समय यसरी नै बितिरहेको छ । यस्ता विभिन्न क्रियाकलाप गरेर समय बिताउँदा पनि समय कटाउन गाह्रो भएको छ ।
हाम्रो केही साथीहरुलाई यो चार महिना एकदम छटपटीमा बित्यो । तर कहिले काही यस्तो पनि लाग्छ यो चार महिना घर बसेर रमाईलो पनि भयो । साथीहरु भएर नयाँ कुरा पनि सिक्यो । यसरी सोच्दा हामीहरुलाई यस्तो पनि लाग्छ कि घरमा बसेर बोर भयो भन्ने मान्छे बुद्धु हो । यो लकडाउनले कहिले केही काम गर्न नआउने मान्छेले पनि घरको काम गर्न सिकिसकेको छ । हामी आफै यस बिचमा को को सँग नजिक रहेछौं भन्ने पनि थाहा पायौं । लकडाउन कडा भएपछि कसैलाई घरको याद आयो, कसैलाई साथीको याद आयो भने कसैलाई खाने कुराको याद आयो । लकडाउन अवधिभर कहिले रमाइलो भए जस्तो, कहिले बोरिङ भए जस्तै बितिरहेकोे छ । परीक्षा सकिएकोले परीक्षाको जुन पे्रसर हुन्छ त्यसरी त पढ्न त पर्दैन तर नयाँ कक्षामा गएकोले पढ्न त परिहाल्यो । त्यसैले नयाँ किताब छोएर पढ्न नपाएको भएर अब के हुने हो? भन्ने डर लागिरहेको छ । तर केही साथीहरुले रमाइलो गर्न पाएकोमा कोरोनाको त्रास दिमागमा नभएको सुनाइरहेका छन् ।
कोहीलाई भने लकडाउनले केही समय रमाइलो भए पनि सँधै एउटै ठाउँमा, एउटै मान्छे, अनि सँधै एउटै खानाको परिकार खानु परेकोले एकदम वाक्क लागिसकेको थियो । तर कहिले काही खान नपाएर मरिन्छ की जस्तो पनि लाग्छ । फेरी सोच्छौं हाम्रो स्कूललाई सहयोग गर्ने संस्थाहरु भएको र स्कूकोे राम्रो व्यवस्थापन भएको कारण खानाले गर्दा मर्दैन कि जस्तो पनि लाग्छ । तर पत्रिकाहरुमा खान नपाएको कारणले मान्छे मरेको समाचारले एकदम नरमाइलो लागि रहन्छ । कोरोनाले गर्दा संसारको मान्छेहरु सबै मर्छन् कि जस्तो पनि लाग्छ । मरिन्छ भन्ने डर लागे पनि हामी मात्र होइन संसारका सबै मान्छे हामी जस्तै त्रासमा छन् । त्यसैले हामी मात्र होईन मरे सबै सँगै मरिन्छ जस्तो पनि लाग्छ । फेरी विश्वमा वैज्ञानिकहरु पनि छन् औषधी बन्छ होला किन यति धेरै डराउनु जस्तो पनि लाग्छ ।
लकडाउनले हामीलाई धेरै कुरा सिकायो । कोराना विरुद्ध हामी सबै साथीहरु अनुशासनमा रहेर लडिरहेका छौं । हामीले एक अर्कालाई एकदम राम्रोसँग सहयोग गरिरहेका छौं । हामीहरु सबैजना मिलेर कोरोना विरुद्ध लड्ने लकडाउनको प्रतिबद्धता हो । सबै साथी, दिदीबहिनीहरु मिलेर बस्ने, सबैसँग राम्रो सम्बन्ध बनाउने सोच हामीमा आएको छ । साथीहरु बनाउने र साथी बनाउने यो राम्रो समय हो भन्ने हामीलाई लागेको छ ।
We face many problems during our lifetime, but this one is particularly a big one. Where did it come from, no one knows. There was a nationwide lockdown because of this virus. Staying home is a wise decision, but it started to get very boring because there wasn’t much to do.
Our exams were rescheduled and we gave our exams much before than originally planned. We were quite happy that we will be moving to grade 10 after our exams. We were all very excited, especially the ones living at the hostel because we were told by our teachers that we will be going out for a day trip. During that period, the virus was found in many other countries and the numbers kept increasing. However, there weren’t any active cases found in Nepal. We were pretty confident that Nepal didn’t have the virus but all of sudden our teacher informed us that there will be a lockdown. Obviously, we got scared. We feared that we might die. Because of all these frightening situations, there was absolutely no way we could go out. But because all of us (friends and sisters) were together at the hostel, we had a lot of fun; so in a way, we were happy too. After a long time, we all were eating together and playing together. This brought about a different sense of satisfaction and enhanced our closeness.
We thought of our friends who lived with their families. We thought of our grandparents, brothers, and sisters and missed them a lot. During the initial days of the lockdown, we enjoyed our stay inside the hostel. We all had the opportunity to spend time and know each other better. Our relationship and bond got stronger than before. We didn’t get to go outside our hostel premise. Nonetheless, that didn’t really make much difference to us, maybe because we are used to staying inside our hostel. However, later it started to get very suffocating. “When will our school reopen?” was our constant concern.
The lockdown has completely changed our daily routine. We don’t have any classes, no teachers, no lectures, and no home assignments; we now have a different world altogether. We slowly lost our interest in studies and began to take a lot of naps during the day. Our only motivation to study is the fact that we are now in grade 10 and that is why we push ourselves to study regularly.
Even though a lot of activities were conducted to decrease our fear of coronavirus, deep inside we were still very scared. No matter what we did the fear didn’t seem to go away and that’s why we did everything to keep ourselves busy.
Slowly, a few of us started to sketch, some started to write journals, play cards, sing and dance, watch TikTok, YouTube, play online games, watch Netflix, etc to manage our time better. Bright flowers in our hostel garden did lift our mood and brought joy to us. Somehow, it seemed as though we had forgotten our studies completely. Few of them never liked online classes, and few others would hideaway during online classes. Because of this, we don’t think online classes were productive at all. We were constantly thinking of ways to spend our time. We started to clean our rooms, wash clothes, play volleyball, and cricket. They brought a new smart TV at our hostel. That also helped us to spend our time.
We would eat our lunch at around 1 PM and watch a lot of Netflix. We are aware that it isn’t very healthy to watch a lot of TVs. Besides watching TV, sometimes we also help in the kitchen. This is how we were passing our days.
Few of our friends had difficulty these past 4 months. But, sometimes, we think we had a good time staying inside. We learned new things. Due to this lockdown, people who didn’t do anything at home have started to contribute to housework. Some days it was fun, some days it was very dull. Some missed their families, some of their friends and some even missed food.
For some it was getting very monotonous; to be around the same people, eat the same food at the same place. At times we feared that we might die of hunger, but again we knew that there are various organizations that help our school and the management of our school is very good, so probably we won’t die of hunger. We read news about people dying because of hunger. That was very saddening.
It’s frightening to think that we all might die because of the corona. Not just us, but everyone all over the world. But then again we know there are many scientists and maybe they will find a cure for corona after all?
This lockdown has taught us many things. To win the fight against corona, we all have to be disciplined and thankfully, we are fully supporting each other. This is a perfect time to build and strengthen our relationships.
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Photo Credit: shangarey & raulteran
When I was studying in grade 8, I joined the Maoist Movement.
I imagined a just nation where no one had to face any problems. This is why many of us were attracted to the movement. I was ready to die for the cause. ‘If my death makes my country better then it’s not a big deal for me to die’, these types of patriotic thoughts directed people towards the movement. The thought that poor people will get food to eat, no-one needs to face caste and class discrimination, and women will not be oppressed and get the same rights as men; all these ideas motivated me to join the movement.
We had to be fit and well-trained. Biologically women are different than men but the training in our camps was the same both for male and female combatants. It was all about being courageous and breaking your mental barriers. We did everything that men would do. We would fight furiously at the forefront of the battles. Many of my friends became martyrs. I am one of the lucky ones who survived death.
I was born and raised as a child of a poor farmer in Faparbari, Makwanpur. Life in a village is difficult compared to the city. I could only go to school after finishing my household chores. I had no big dreams about what I wanted out of life. I don’t think I was ever taught to dream – rather to just accept my fate and live my life which would be filled with struggles. But I loved singing from a very young age. When I heard songs on the radio or television, I tried to copy and sing correctly. I would practice for ages.
During the movement, our life was tough. We would walk all night; sometimes from the hills to the terai. While walking we carried our musical instruments and food. We would stop in villages and stay with the villagers. We sang progressive songs, danced, and performed dramas. Our art was what inspired people to join the movement. Many people joined the movement, many supported. I think it was possible only because of this soulful artist’s front.
We would reach remote and far away villages. Our songs spoke of people’s sufferings. That’s how most people connected to us. Our songs work like medicine to their wounds of poverty and state of being. And many times it would work like an appeal to support the movement. We’d walk these downtrodden villages everywhere, throughout the country. We would walk from Tamang villages to the Chepang habitats. We would reach Thami villages and Dalit settlements. While traveling to all these areas, one thing I remember vividly is that – the nature of poverty and state oppression was exactly the same regardless of their geographical differences.
People in these villages and settlements welcomed us wholeheartedly. We went in there like a messenger and left as a family member. In some villages, our whole team would have to leave abruptly due to army patrol and raids. We’d run from those villages and sleep in the middle of the jungle. Wartime days were tough but they were worth it.
It was after the peace agreement that our leaders failed to protect us and the overall artists’ role became weaker. There was scarcity in the artist’s front but the leaders did not care. They would not directly tell us but their behavior showed that they didn’t need artists anymore. Many artists went back to their previous lifestyle of farming but many left for the Gulf countries in search of work.
Many of those who left to go abroad for work have returned home empty-handed. They still have that fury inside them against the system and the leaders. They say, ‘Even after all these years, things haven’t changed.’ I feel for them. I know the level of anger they must have inside them towards the leaders who failed to guide or protect them. The rising inequality and mass poverty that still exists in our country are unimaginable. Instead of working to increase our living standards, our leaders have turned to middlemen and mafias who constantly exploit their own population for labor, money, and resources.
We were very young then; maybe around 13 or 14 years old. But we weren’t naïve. We knew what we were getting into. All our socio-economic struggles in the village left no other options to fight for change. We wanted a drastic change in our system and that was the only reason why youth like me participated in the movement.
However, in our country, change has only been limited to words. Few words have changed here and there, but the situation of the country and its people hasn’t changed much.
After the peace process, I decided to continue my education. I completed my bachelor’s degree in journalism along with focusing on music lessons.
I started working at various radio stations. Though I was busy doing journalism, I wanted to engage myself more in music. So, I started networking with people in the music scene. Gradually I started to go to studios and getting offers for performing live. I got an opportunity to sing a song in a Tamang movie. In 2014, I released my first solo music album ‘Rahar’.
I was becoming more of a commercial singer. I had to, to sustain myself. At times, I wondered how my former comrades would see me in this commercial world. And at times, I wondered how my new audience would react if they find out about my communist background. Gradually both my comrades and audiences seem to pretty much accept the reality of who I am now.
After releasing albums and going around the world to perform, I’m still giving my best to create more opportunities and to preserve my existence in the musical world. I feel blessed to have supportive audiences and Chandra Kumar Dong and Maila Lama, my uncles, who inspired me a lot to continue.
Being a musician, I am trying my best to raise awareness in society through music. That’s what we did being a part of the musical front during the war. Now, all those memories of the war feel surreal.
***
मलाई घरमा बस्दा एकदम नरमाईलो लागेको छ । लकडाउन हुनु भन्दा पहिला नै इन्डिया जाने प्लान बनाएका थियौं तर जाने भन्दा भन्दै लकडाउन भयो । त्यसपछि जान पाएनौं । अब त मलाई डर लागीरहेछ हामी कहिले इन्डिया जान पाउँछौ कि पाउदैनौं भनेर ? मेरो हजुरआमा यहि बिचमा बिरामी हुनुहुन्छ । डर झन बढेको छ उहाँलाई निको हुन्छ की नाई ? धेरै बिरामी हुनुभयो भने यो बेला हस्पिटल लान पनि गाह्रो छ । कोरोना भन्दा पनि मलाई यस्तै अन्य कुराले बढी सताई रहेको छ ।
लकडाउन पछि म बिहान ७ बजे उठ्छु । फ्रेस हुन्छु, चिया पकाउँछु, भाईहरुलाई खुवाउँछु अनि आफु पनि खाईसके पछी भाईहरुलाई पढाउँछु । १० बजे तिर ममीले खाना पकाईसकेको हुनुहुन्छ । सबै परिवारसँगै बसेर खाना खान्छौं । ममी भान्सा सफा गर्नुहुन्छ । भाई र म लुडो खेल्दै टि ।भि । र्हेछौं । त्यस पछि म पढ्छु ।
अब यो लकडाउन खुल्छ की खुल्दैन?
के हुेने हो?
दिनदिनै चिन्ता बढी रहेको छ
अन्य धेरै स्कूलहरुको त अनलाईन क्लास भईरा’छ । हाम्रो स्कूलमा त अनलाईन क्लासको व्यवस्था पनि छैन । अब स्कूल खुल्छ की खुल्दैन त्यो पनि थाहा छैन । मलाई पढाई के हुने हो ? भनेर धेरै चिन्ता लागीरा’छ । लकडाउन कै बिचमा हाम्रो त रिजल्ट आयो । म पास भएँ । मलाई एकदम खुशी लाग्यो । तर एस ।ई ।ई । को त परिक्षा पनि भएको छैन । उनीहरुलाई कस्तो धेरै चिन्ता परेको होला ? उनीहरुको परिक्षा हुन्छ कि हुँदैना भन्दाअ भन्दाइ उनिहरुलाई परिक्षा नै लिन नपर्ने भन्ने समाचार पढें । हाम्रो अनलाईन कक्षा हुन्छ कि हुँदैन ? हाम्रो स्कूल खुल्छ कि खुल्दैन सोच्दा सोच्दा अब के हुने हो ? भन्ने डर लागिरहन्छ ।
ममी बाबाले हामीलाई चोकमा समेत जान दिनु हुँदैन । कोही साथिहरुलाई भेट्न पनि पाएको छैन । यो कोरोनाले गर्दा मलाई कस्तो चिन्ता भईरा’छ । अब यो लकडाउन खुल्छ की खुल्दैन? के हुेने हो? दिनदिनै चिन्ता बढी रहेको छ । घरमा बस्दा राम्रोसँग खान पनि पाएको छैन । मेरो बाबालाई धेरै चिन्ता भईरा’छ । लकडाउन अगाडि मेरो बाबा फुटपाथमा लुगा बेच्नु हुन्थ्यो । अब त्यो पनि बेच्न दिँदैन । हामीलाई धेरै समस्या भईरा’छ । लकडाउन धेरै लम्बियो भने के खाने होला ? भनेर बाबा धेरै चिन्ता गर्नुहुन्छ । मलाई एकदम नरमाईलो लाग्छ बाबालाई देखेर ।
कक्षा ९
कान्तिईश्वरी मा.वि. प्याफल
***
I don’t like staying at home. We had plans of travelling to India before the lockdown, but the lockdown happened and we couldn’t go. Now I have this fear whether or not we will able to go to India ever again? My grandmother is also not keeping well. I am really worried about her health condition. What if it gets worse? How will we take her to the hospital? I am actually more concerned about other issues as compared to Corona.
These days, I wake up around 7 in the morning; make tea and breakfast for my brothers and myself. My mother prepares lunch and it’s normally ready by 10 in the morning. We all have our lunch together after which I play ludo and watch television with my brother. After that, I study.
Many other schools have organized online classes but since I go to a government school, our school doesn’t have an online facility. I don’t know if the school will reopen again or not. I am really worried about my studies. I got my 9th-grade exams’ result during this lockdown period. I was really happy that I passed my exams, but the National Board Exams (SEE) are still pending. I guess all the SEE students must be very worried about their exams. I don’t know whether the SEE exams will be conducted or not. I think a lot about all these things and I tend to get worried.
My parents don’t allow us out at all, not even to go to the main road. I haven’t been able to meet any of my friends either. I am really distressed because of this corona. I wonder if this lockdown will ever ease up and my stress is also increasing day by day. We have not been able to eat properly as well. My father is really stressed. Before the lockdown, my father used to sell clothes on the streets, and now he can’t even sell that. He keeps wondering what will we do if the lockdown keeps extending and how will we survive? I feel really bad looking when I see him in such a state.
May 24th 2020
जीवनमा दुःखहरु धेरै आईरहन्छ तर यो पल्टको दुःख अति नै ठूलो छ । कहाँबाट यो कोरोना भाईरस आयो थाहा नै पाएन ।
कोरोना आएपछि हामी गाउँ आयौं । सबै घरमा बसीरहेका छन् तर मेरो बुबा त घुम्न मात्र जानु हुन्छ । बिहान ८ बजे तिर नल तान्न जान्छु । खै किन हो ? जहिले म उठ्दा ममी र बुबाको झगडा भएको हुन्छ । म बाबाले ममीलाई गाली गरेको सुनेर उठ्छु । अनि चिया खान्छु । पहिला पहिला त इन्डियन सिम कार्ड पनि थिएन । पुरा बेकारमा आएँ झै लाग्थ्यो । त्यसमा यहाँको मानिसहरुको सोच नै फरक छ मलाई यहाँको मान्छेसँग घुलमिल हुन एकदम गाह्रो भईरा’छ । यहाँ आएपछि त VOW MEDIA को कुरा सोच्दै त्यहाँका दिदीहरुले भनेको याद आउँछ । कहिले सम्म यसरी बस्न पर्ने हो ? अत्यास लागेर आईरा’छ । बाहिर कतै जाउँ भने पनि निस्कन दिँदैन । बोर लाग्दो छ यहाँको जिन्दगी ।
यहाँको केटीहरुलाई त बाहिरको संसार कस्तो हुन्छ थाहा नै छैन । बिहान उठ्छन्, खाना पकाउँछन खान्छन्, सुत्छन् । फेरी उठछन् खाना पकाउछन्, केही बोल्यो भने पनि यो केटी कति बोल्छ ? केटी भएर यसरी बोल्ने भन्छन् । यसरी नै बिहान सुरु हुन्छ, अनि रात पनि बित्छ । म बिहान उठ्छु, खाना खान्छु, मोवाईल चलाउँछु सुत्छु ।
यहाँ मेरो कोही साथिहरु पनि छैन । जे गरे पनि एक्लै हुन्छ कति दिन यसरी बस्ने होला ?
कक्षा ९
श्री कान्तिईश्वरी मा.वि.
***
We face a lot of ups and downs in our lives, but what we are facing right now is a big issue. Where did this coronavirus come from, none of us know.
We came to our village, which is in India right after a corona outburst. Everyone stays home except for my father. He keeps going out. Every morning I wake up around 8 am and I go fetch water. I don’t know why but my parents have been fighting. I wake up to the sound of my father yelling at my mother.
Initially, we didn’t even have an Indian sim card. We felt bored and regretted coming here. Additionally, I am having issues getting along with the people here. They are much more orthodox out here. Being here reminds me of VOW Media and what we spoke about there. I don’t know for how long do we have to live like this and I panic thinking about it. We aren’t allowed to go outside, and it’s really boring here.
Girls here have no idea what life is like outside of this place. All they do is get up, cook food, eat, and sleep. They have the same routine every day and if they speak, they get yelled at for speaking. No one here likes girls speaking. This is how their day begins and night falls. I get up in the morning, eat my food, and use my mobile phone and sleep.
I don’t even have any friends here. I am always alone and how long will I be like this, I wonder?
***
Photo Credit: Simone Wenth