संसारलाई अत्याउने गरि आएको कोरोना भाईरसले हामी सबैलाई घरको एउटा कोठा भित्र सिमित गरिदिएको छ । आकास्मिक रुपमा सरकारले घोषणा गरेको लकडाउनले गर्दा धेरै व्यक्तिहरुले आफ्नो व्यवस्थापन गर्न अझै पनि सकिरहेका छैनन् । खास गरि घर छोडेर जिविकापार्जनका लागि शहर छिरेका मजदुरहरुको अवस्था, घर फर्कन नसकेकाहरुको वेदना, भारतमा मजदुरी गर्न गएकाहरु यता र उताको लकडाउनको मारमा परेको र विदेशमा पढ्नको लागि गएका बिद्यार्थीहरुको कथा हामीले आफ्नो बन्द कोठामा बसेर पढिरहका छौं ।

विश्व स्वास्थ्य संगठनले स्वास्थ्य संकटकाल घोषणा गरेको यो परिप्रेक्षमा आफू र अरुलाई सुरक्षित राख्नको लागि हामीले आफूलाई घर भित्रको कोठामा सिमित गरिरहेका छौं । यो अवधीमा धेरैले आफूले आफूलाई चिन्ने र आफूलाई अनुशासनमा राख्ने समय हो भनेर भनेको सुन्न र पढिरहेको छु । मानिसका यस्ता अनुभवलाई मैले मेरो जीवनमा फर्केर हेरिरहेकोछु ।

मैले यो अवधीमा आफूले आफैलाई चिन्ने अवसर त पाएँ यो सँगै मेरो आफ्नो परिवार समाजलाई पनि चिन्ने अवसर पाएँ । खास मैले मेरो जीवन, घर परिवार र समाजलाई आजसम्म चिनेको रहेनछु ।

म : वास्तवमा आजसम्म मैले आफूलाई अनुशासनमा राख्न सकेको रहेनछु । म बाहिर जति धेरै दिनहरु बिताउन सक्छु । त्यति घरमा समय बिताउन म सक्षम छैन र मलाई आफ्नै घर बन्दि गृह जस्तो हुनेछ भन्ने मैले सोचेकै थिईन । लकडाउनको केहि दिन मलाई रमाईलो लाग्यो । घरमा समय दिन नसकेको र आफ्नो लागि समय नभए जस्तो बल्ल मैले मेरो लागि समय पाए भने जस्तो लागेको थियो । तर बिस्तारै आफै बसेको घर आफूलाई जन्म दिने आमाबुबा आफ्ना साथी भाईहरुसँग घुलमिल हुन नै मलाई आफैसँग संघर्ष गर्नु प¥यो । म यतिसम्म घरबाट टाढा भएको रहिछु कि मलाई केही दिन पछि मलाई मेरो घरको मान्छे नै बढी भए जस्तो लाग्यो । त्यसको परिणाम स्वरुप विस्तारै मलाई रिस उठने, आफूले भनेको कुरा मात्र हुनपर्छ जस्तो धारणा राख्ने, कोहीसँग बोल्न मन नलाग्ने, नखाने र आफूलाई एक्लोपनाको अनुभुति भयो । सबै सकियो जस्तो अनुभुति हुन थाल्यो । तर विस्तारै आफूलाई नै अनुशासनमा राख्ने कोशीस गरेँ वा गर्दैछु । यो बिचमा आफूलाई कसरी व्यवस्थित राख्ने? भनेर केही कोशीसहरु गरँे जस्तै ः कोहीसँग नबोल्ने, आफूलाई कोठामा बन्द गर्ने, किताब पढ्ने, आफूलाई लागेको लेख्ने, फिल्महरु हेर्ने साथीसँग कुरा गर्ने कोरोनाको न्यूज पढ्न बन्द गर्ने । आफूलाई सकेसम्म व्यस्त राख्ने जस्ता कार्यले मलाई कोरोनाको महामारीसँग लड्ने शक्ति दिएको जस्तो लाग्छ ।

घरपरिवार, छिमेकी र समाज : यो बिचमा मैले मेरो घर परिवार र समाजलाई अध्ययन गर्ने अवसर पाएको छु । मेरो अध्ययनले पाएको सामाज आफूलाई अनुशासनमा राख्न जति गाह्रो छ, त्यो भन्दा बढी समाज परिवारलाई राख्न गाह्रो छ । सबैको आ—आफ्नो धारणा हुन्छ विचार हुन्छ । जुन कहिल्यै हाम्रो ध्यान नपुगको वा हामीलाई त्यस्ता विषयमा कुरा गर्न समय नभएको विषय — के खाने? कुन फिल्म हेर्ने? जस्तो विषय पनि धेरै सँगै बसेपछि र अन्य काम नभएपछि यस्ता विषयमा छिमेकीमा झगडा भएको देखे । घरमा धेरै व्यक्तिहरुसँगै घर बस्दा घरेलु हिंसा बढेको पनि देखियो । झगडाको विषयः श्रीमानले बाहिरको व्यक्तिहरु ल्याएर तास खेल्ने वा खेल्न जाने, पानीको अभाव, खाना कसले बनाउने?, पैसाको अभाव हुँदै जाने जस्ता विषयले पनि झगडाको विषय बन्ने र यस्ता विषयले ठुलो रुप लिएको देखियो ।

घरको बसाई पत्यार लाग्दो त छ तर बिस्तारै आफूलाई भित्र बन्दि बनाउने बानी पनि परिसकेको छ । यो कैदी जीवनले आफू, परिवार, समाज र राज्यलाई चिन्ने अवसर पनि हो जस्तो लागि राखेको छ ।

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We had heard about the virus in the news. China was largely affected but I personally, wasn’t much concerned or worried about it. I thought it was just a flu and besides the world has amazing scientists we can rely upon. Something will come up, some solution must be out there – was my basic thought process. It didn’t take much time before it began to spread outside of China. Things got even more real when India started to report the cases. Ultimately, we were also in lockdown!

The first few days were rather difficult for me. Everything twisted suddenly after the announcement of the lockdown. I was more concerned about my parents, mother especially, since she is a patient of asthma. To be forced to stay in is rather difficult but I have started to think from a different perspective or at least I try. I began studying and researching about similar cases. Spanish Influenza during 1918. Pandemics happen every once in 100/150 years and take at least a year or more to recover. This made me realize that worrying about it will not help. 

Now I am addicted to my room, either reading, working, studying, or drawing. I have realized that I should not listen to news and keep checking for updates.

I flip every now and then and get anxiety attacks and that’s more like a nightmare. I really don’t like to talk much and even before the lockdown, I was the same in this regard. Now I am addicted to my room, either reading, working, studying, or drawing. I have realized that I should not listen to news and keep checking for updates. That will just make it very difficult for me to deal with the situation. Many times these days, I don’t even think about corona. I just take it as a regular day with my family. My cravings to go out of the house have diminished drastically. I am actually alright being inside. I have set a daily routine. I am more disciplined than I was ever. And, the best part is I have detoxified. No cigarettes and no alcohol for over a month, I finally feel that I can quit smoking. 

I keep in touch with selected friends of mine. Most of them are abroad. We try to keep each other balanced during this whole period by sending texts and memes. Many of my friends who are living alone and living abroad have told me that they are beginning to lose patience.

Lately, my college has started virtual classes and there are tons of assignments given. That keeps me occupied a lot, I have no complaints so far. Sketching is something I started during this period and I cannot put it into words how it had helped me to remain sane.

No matter how much one tries to avoid, it is impossible to stay away from mainstream media and the news posted. News about how our government flipped back and forth on its decision to allow buses to take people back home and ultimately rejecting it, and  how people themselves deliberately decided to walk hundreds of kilometres towards their villages, some even carrying their children. It was almost out of question to read a piece of news without welling up. 

Another major concern I have as a student of Clinical Psychology is that I think people will develop agoraphobia, where some people refuse to leave their homes.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about other concerns about the pandemic. What will our lives be like after the quarantine gets lifted? We will have to work through this “quarantine state of mind” we have adapted to and it will take weeks if not months. I was reading an article where David Spigel, professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford University said, “ We are training people to see the world as a dangerous place. This invisible enemy could be anywhere.” Interacting with anyone other than the immediate family members won’t be easy, say your interaction with your shopkeeper, bank teller, barber because we now have been trained to view them as potential  carriers. Another major concern I have as a student of Clinical Psychology is that I think people will develop agoraphobia, where some people refuse to leave their homes. Mask was always a major part of our lifestyle but now it will become a wardrobe staple.

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