Family and society whose main purpose is to exist in harmony and contribute to growth has instead become something that plays with power, puts us in boxes and demotivates us. It is the things we are told and the way we are brought up that abstains us from honing our potentials, eventually making us the ‘weaker sex’. We are discouraged from exploring and this is how our chances of excelling in life automatically drops.

I was expected to get the best scores and I complied, they asked me not to be honest in my expressions or be flamboyant in my actions and I complied. They told me that women should not make their choices and I took orders. Such fostering where we are taught to give more weight to our shortcomings is where I started becoming unaware of my true self.

I remember those days when I was just out of my teens, I had just started standing up for what I liked. My family that I had loved left me. It is then when I understood how social beliefs can be mightier than love. This is when I was at my weakest. My friends understood what I wanted and gave me the strength to fight. In no time I was ready to fight the battle all on my own with the unconditional love my friends promised me.

Desire would have had a set of parents but her father chose not to be with us, he chose to let us find our own way. We didn’t just come from different socio- cultural backgrounds but were brought up with different set of religious beliefs as well. I tried getting our families together to start a new life with the baby and I let him choose. He chose to escape and I accepted it.

When I could not manage a social tie that would have certified a relationship with Desire’s father a lot of my own people persuaded me to abort. The most difficult part was to accept that I was going to be a single mother, something our society does not ratify, especially when it is a choice that a woman makes.

I chose to fall in love and then I chose motherhood. I also chose to fill my body with art. I painted Desire‘s palm on my skin which will stay with me even after I die. My life became tough when my choices started making me happier and I finally started saying no to things that did not matter. In legal terms isn’t this what human rights constitutes of? Are we all not fighting the same battle?

Today I am in love with the single mother that I am; my daughter is two and a half years old. It makes things pretty virtuous, almost perfect; the changes have been more inside me than outside. Her name is Desire. It is the only name I could think of since she was conceived. She makes me a better person each day, everyday.

The most difficult part was to accept that I was going to be a single mother, something our society does not ratify, especially when it is a choice that a woman makes.

I still do not have the answers but I am content in what has become of me. I have understood that my struggles helped me understand my real strengths. I learnt that I had to pay a price if I wanted a promising future for my daughter. The word ‘Aama’ gives me power to fight my blues and build my strength. I have lived a human life for the last 25 years but nothing compares to the emotions and beauty I have seen as a mother.

Long ago when I did not know the definition of feminism and human rights, it pained to see how worthless our lives were. The only way I could redeem myself for being a part of this unforgiving society was by contributing something positive in somebody’s life. I helped some kids from the streets to go to the school and a few to get married. 

I have always advocated for a just and equal society but when I got pregnant I realized what it actually meant to be a feminist. I made a choice that felt right to me. But I was abandoned, no one cared that it made me happy, not even my mother.

As human beings our animal instincts stimulate us to attain what we desire, to feel accomplished and be happy. However our society is constantly disheartening us, teaching us otherwise, dislocating our spiritual balance and killing budding dreams. This turns us all into unhappy souls who end up contributing nothing positive to the social institutions and other realities, this is where the real problems thrive.

Why is it wrong for me to have a baby all by myself? Why was I left alone? Where were the women who talk of equality and humanity, what were the women in my family thinking? Why couldn’t the survivors help me in my struggle?

I do not have a plan for my daughter really but I do think that I will support my baby with all the choices she makes. I try to transfer the little wisdom that I have but I do not wish to dictate her life or make decisions for her. If the social norms do not help our growth we need to fight it and change it. From my personal experience I can tell her that it will be a difficult journey but it will also be absolutely worth it.

Today I listen to my heart and it guides me on the path of positivity and compassion. When I started taking my decisions is when I realized that it is ok to be different.